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This year has been a year of transitions. It started at the beginning of the year when I split up with J and moved out. Settling in to a new living environment and getting used to being single again after living with someone for four years, have been some of the challenges I have faced this year. Getting myself organized to write and complete a book, and starting a recording project with my church worship team have been some of the creative projects I have taken on this year.
The year's challenges are not complete yet. This week my employment agreement with my employer of twelve years was terminated. This feels strange because I have not been without a job since I was in school - some twenty years ago.
Today I am not the same person I was when I started my career in IT twenty years ago. I have learned much and have grown much. What will my next twenty years look like? My journey as a Creative Playful Explorer continues.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Dating and due diligence
After years and years of being in and out of relationships I've finally figured out the concept of doing my due diligence when it comes to dating. The concept sounds really simple now, but I have been sloppy about it in the past.
I have learned that there are two things I want to find out about a potential partner before I get involved: is the playing field clear, and is there mutual interest. As I said, it's simple and obvious when I state it that way, but time and time again I have ignored these two principles and paid the price.
Vetting out if the playing field is clear - I have learned that there are certain subtleties to watch out for. Just because a woman is single does not mean she is available! Doh! How much time and energy have I spent pursuing a woman who, though single, was not available? There are other factors besides the existence of a husband or other male attachment that signal availability. Unresolved emotional issues, unhealthy habits and attitudes, are other indicators of non-availability to me. Of course, a woman might be available by someone else's standards and not by mine - I have learned that in the end I must judge only by my own standards whether she is available.
Mutual interest - I have spent far too much time and energy pursuing women who were not interested in me, thinking that if I said this or did that I will impress them and gain their interest. Forget that game! I have paid the price of playing that game with decreased self-confidence and self-esteem. Ain't worth it, not playing it no more. I am who I am and I'm an interesting person, and I'm better off using my time and energy surrounding myself with people who are genuinely interested in me and want to help me win than in trying to get someone interested in me who is not.
One other thing I've learned about dating. I've learned that when a woman I am interested in says she wants to be friends, it usually means that a woman that I want to sleep with does not want to sleep with me but wants me around to talk to about the guys she is sleeping with. That sucks and that's definitely a game not worth playing.
I have learned that there are two things I want to find out about a potential partner before I get involved: is the playing field clear, and is there mutual interest. As I said, it's simple and obvious when I state it that way, but time and time again I have ignored these two principles and paid the price.
Vetting out if the playing field is clear - I have learned that there are certain subtleties to watch out for. Just because a woman is single does not mean she is available! Doh! How much time and energy have I spent pursuing a woman who, though single, was not available? There are other factors besides the existence of a husband or other male attachment that signal availability. Unresolved emotional issues, unhealthy habits and attitudes, are other indicators of non-availability to me. Of course, a woman might be available by someone else's standards and not by mine - I have learned that in the end I must judge only by my own standards whether she is available.
Mutual interest - I have spent far too much time and energy pursuing women who were not interested in me, thinking that if I said this or did that I will impress them and gain their interest. Forget that game! I have paid the price of playing that game with decreased self-confidence and self-esteem. Ain't worth it, not playing it no more. I am who I am and I'm an interesting person, and I'm better off using my time and energy surrounding myself with people who are genuinely interested in me and want to help me win than in trying to get someone interested in me who is not.
One other thing I've learned about dating. I've learned that when a woman I am interested in says she wants to be friends, it usually means that a woman that I want to sleep with does not want to sleep with me but wants me around to talk to about the guys she is sleeping with. That sucks and that's definitely a game not worth playing.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Designed book cover
Last night I was sitting in front of my computer and playing around with GIMP (the open source equivalent of Photoshop) and I felt inspired so I created a mock up of what I envision my book cover to be for my current novel-in-progress, That Warrior Spirit.
I really like the design I came up with and I am pleased with myself. I'd love to post it here and show it off but I am faced with an ethical, maybe legal, dilemma. One of the images I used in my composition is a photo I took of one of the men in MDI, with my cell phone. Do I need his permission to use a photo I took of him myself on my book cover? Do I need to get him to sign a model release?
I've looked up model release on wikipedia. It says that Publishing an identifiable photo of a person without a model release signed by that person can result in civil liability for whoever publishes the photograph. One of the key words here seems to be identifiable. If I manipulate the image so that the subject is not recognizable, would I still be at risk of civil liability if I did not have a signed model release?
I really like the design I came up with and I am pleased with myself. I'd love to post it here and show it off but I am faced with an ethical, maybe legal, dilemma. One of the images I used in my composition is a photo I took of one of the men in MDI, with my cell phone. Do I need his permission to use a photo I took of him myself on my book cover? Do I need to get him to sign a model release?
I've looked up model release on wikipedia. It says that Publishing an identifiable photo of a person without a model release signed by that person can result in civil liability for whoever publishes the photograph. One of the key words here seems to be identifiable. If I manipulate the image so that the subject is not recognizable, would I still be at risk of civil liability if I did not have a signed model release?
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