Prologue to my Big Brother Adventure

7:06am I decided to forfeit my Mile this morning so that I could focus on getting myself to the personal interview I have today with an enrollment coordinator from the Big Brothers association. My interview is at eight, and I plan to go straight to work after.

I'm on the subway already, and I'm feeling excited and a little anxious. My goodness - this is sobering; I'm going out in order to bring someone new into my family. If this is how I'm feeling just for going to a screening interview, how much more is that magnified for someone who is actually going to pick up an adopted child to bring them home for the first time, or for someone who just had a new child born?

For many months now I have been very disconnected from my feelings about becoming a Big Brother. It's been a waiting game and I have been playing it patiently and keeping my energy and focus on other areas of my life during that time. Becoming a Big Brother was something that felt unreal, it was an exercise in beaurocracy - but it's starting to sink in now. It's starting to get real.

This is something that will change my whole life. Again.

9:42am I arrived at Yonge and Eglinton about twenty minutes before my scheduled appointment. That's enough time to pop into Starbucks for a muffin and a bottle of drinkable yogourt. Breakfast of the champions? Champion yuppie perhaps.

My interview takes an hour and a half and is quite pleasant. At the end, I learn that the next step is that they will run the police check on me; it should take a few days. The coordinator asks me for a phone number of a particular contact that she wants to call for another reference check. I don't have the number with me; it's in the Contacts list of my own PDA and that's out being serviced. I will have to look it up on my PC when I get home.

My third lap

I jogged three laps today on my Mile! Woo-hoo!

I was feeling pretty good as I was rounding out my second lap. Getting green lights across the board, the guys in the control room at NASA telling me that all systems were looking good and to go for it. I felt encouraged.

Then as often is the case, I came to the eleven o'clock position and started feeling resistance. Two laps is good enough for today. I'll go for three another day. How many times have I said that to myself - how many times will I wait for "another day"?

As I came around to the end of my second lap, I had just about convinced myself I would do just two today. I was about to slow into a walk, my cooldown walk. And then... a sudden burst of mojo, and I keep going. Halfway around on my third lap, I'm thinking ecstatically to myself, This is my third lap! This is my third lap!

This is my success story today (for this part of today).

A Weekend in the Life Of, Part II - Sunday

8:10am Decided to do an easy Mile this morning. I set an alarm last night, a Sat-Sun alarm on my cell phone, and it worked this morning. I probably would have slept another hour if it had not gone off.

Noticed I had a new voicemail alert on my phone. Checked my voicemail, found a message from Pastor Hardy timestamped 9:30 last night, asking if I could do the song sheets for today's service. It's kind of last minute-ish, but I can do it.

I came to the rescue last week. Cindy and Steve both realized on Sunday morning that no one had thought to print up the song sheets. What with all the excitement and preparation that went into the Saturday event, Vern & Angie's wedding anniversary, this just fell through the cracks. Steve usually does the song sheets, but he was busy sorting out a problem with the sound board he'd rented for the event, so I stepped up to do them. Steve gave me the instructions; they were easy to follow and I whipped up the song sheets in about 15 minutes. Hardy was impressed that I did them so quickly. I don't think it is right that only a handful of people know how to do this stuff and I don't think it's right that Steve had to do everything. So I offered to be an additional resource for doing the song sheets, now that I know how.

Wasn't sure if Hardy had already found someone to do the song sheets for today and I wasn't sure how early I could call their house in the morning, so I did my Mile first. Did an easy Mile. What with doing two laps jogging yesterday plus the laps I did swimming, I decided to go easy, give my body some regeneration time. I walked one lap, jogged one lap, walked a third lap. When I got home it was eight - I figured that was a reasonable time at which to call Hardy. He was relieved to hear from me.

I downloaded the song lyrics from the CCLI web site and pasted them into a Word file. Took about half an hour to do, sent the file to Hardy so he could print copies, and got on with getting myself showered and dressed.

What a feeling of team, what a feeling of community, what a feeling of family. I arrive at Hardy and Cindy's house for home church - there is a pile of song sheets all printed out. I pick one up for myself, taking pride in my work.

A few weeks ago I was in this house for a home church service. I was exhausted that day. Burned out, and nodding off. Not today. This morning I am energized. Like I just did my Mile.

1:53pm Just got home from home church. We had a congregational meeting to talk about some proposals for where we are going to meet going forward. The church offerings have not kept up with the expenses and we cannot continue to operate in this mode. The proposals are for not renting the big room, the cafetorium, at the school where we hold our services throughout the year, but to rent the smaller classrooms either once a month, twice a month, or three times a month.

I jotted down some phrases I heard from various members of the congregation. These are phrases that I heard that spoke to me about what is our congregational vision for what a church is:
- studying the word,
- praying together,
- breaking bread together (like we did at Vern and Angie's wedding anniversary; more than just a bread crumb at communion)
- worship,
- intimate time together learning about each other's lives

Some concerns I heard come up:
- wheel chair accessibility,
- consistency - when we invite someone to come as a guest, where do we tell them we meet? "Well, that depends on which weekend you come".

I talked with J about what her ideal church experience is. What does she need that would get her to come more often? (I'm thinking like a leader here, thinking "how can I create a church experience that Josephine will want to be a part of"). Some of the things she wants - a place where she can go for solitude, a place where she can go to talk to God.

She asks me what keeps me going back to JCC. Being on the worship team. A sense of community, a sense of family. Being in service. Feeling like I am a valued and contributing member.

9:40pm We got the laptop. J came with me to Best Buy to pick it up. The plan was we go to Best Buy, get the laptop, then go get our groceries and come home. After we got the laptop J says, I'm not comfortable leaving it in the car while we do our groceries; let's take it home first. Sounds like she can't wait to get her hands on it. When we get home I ask, We're just dropping off the laptop and going back out for groceries, right? Quick in and out? Yeah, she says. Then takes it out of the box, powers it up, starts checking out all the features. Yeah, this is not going to be a quick in and out operation. Usually she's the one dragging me out to go for groceries and I'm the one who wants to play with the new toy. Got a little role reversal thing happening today!

Eventually we get our groceries and come home for dinner. I put groceries away in the basement and do some work on my computer (the one we don't need to fight over any more). When I come up, dinner is ready - and the laptop is in the kitchen, J and her mom are using it to watch a DVD. A Filipino rock band video.

It's like having a television in the kitchen, J says. Thank you! she says, unprompted, a big smile on her face.

Accentuate the positive - that smile, the smile that lights up her whole face, her eyes crinkle a bit around the corners, that's her When you smile the whole world smiles with you smile. That's one of the best things I've seen in this relationship in the last two or three weeks.

We watch a few Filipino music videos, J, her mom, and I. When was the last time the three of us did something together like this? Spend quality time. I feel some anxiety, thinking I've got some homework to do and I'm not doing it. But I remind myself that this is family time that we're sharing; that this time counts as being productive and on purpose.

A Weekend in the Life Of, Part I - Saturday

6:48am My alarm did not go off this morning. My PDA is gravely ill so I've been using my cell phone as my morning alarm. It did not go off today - I look at it to find out why, then realize that I set the alarm for Mon-Fri only. I miss my PDA.

Besides the alarm function, I miss having my PDA with me for writing. So I've decided to write a "Weekend In The Life Of" series this weekend. I am using a small blue notebook that Jan gave me in 2003. In it she inscribed To capture your thoughts in... a lot classier than serviettes. She gave this to me in 2003 but I haven't written in it much, I've used mostly PDA's for writing. The first couple of things I wrote in this notebook...

Feb 18, 2003 Boldness means giving expression to the whispers of my dreams rather than the shouts of my fears.

Feb 19, 2003 God never says goodbye.

I recall what was going on in my life when I wrote those two notes. I was living in my own house at the time. Jan was dating John then, John was renting a room in my house. I was working with a coach named Colleen to define my Vision for my life, and my Life Purpose statement. Jan was finalizing her divorce. It was a late night and the three of us, Jan, John, myself, were sitting in the kitchen at my house. Jan was very emotional, filling out the paperwork for her divorce. John and I were there to support Jan.

I'm writing this in a notebook, writing by hand. I can write a lot faster by hand today than I can type on my PDA. But it means I'll have to type all this into my computer if I'm going to post this.

Well, it's a Saturday morning, which is often the only day of the week where I get to sleep in. Sleeping in today means I'm still getting up around 7, it just means I wasn't awakened by my alarm at 6, didn't go through the snooze cycle.

My relationship with J feels off track again. Feels like no one is leading it. Feels like there is just no energy in it at best, and an energy drain at worst. Time to ask What is leading in this relationship going to look like? What is it going to look like this week? Think accentuate the positive - what was the best thing about this relationship in the last two or three weeks?

7:13am It's Mile time!

8:45am Mile is done, shower is done, paid a bill online. I did my standard Mile, what my current standard is, which is two laps jogging and third lap walking. My cool-down walk. Plan to go to Best Buy and/or Tiger Direct. I'm going looking for a laptop for J, and to find out if I can get my LifeDrive (PDA) fixed. J wants to come too, she wants to return something to Best Buy.

2:02pm Back from Best Buy. J didn't end up going with me; I was ready to go at ten and she didn't think she'd be ready to go so she said to go ahead without her. I dropped of my LifeDrive for servicing. It's not under warranty; there's a diagnostic charge of $40, which is cheap compared to the cost of buying a new PDA. The turnaround time is a month, which is a long time to be without a PDA. I'll just have to be open to all the learning opportunities this presents.

I've also ordered a laptop for J - this was one of my 21CL commitments. Tenet #3 - As a leader I keep my word and honour my commitments.

Best Buy is installing some software on it and making a Recovery disk for it, and it should be ready for pickup tomorrow by six.

7:25pm I had a big nap in the afternoon. I had thought to take J for dinner to Penelope, downtown, but she decided she wasn't feeling up to that. She's feeling some back pain. She decided she wanted to go use the hot tub at her condo, so I went with her.

I balanced my time in the pool between doing laps and talking to J. I did a set of four laps then took a break. (A lap, my definition, is there and back, because the pool is only half length). Did another set of four laps, another short break, then set of two laps. All in total I did ten laps. Between doing the Mile and doing laps in the pool, I'm two thirds of the way to becoming a tri-athlete!

Sat in the hot tub with J for a while. Just having a relaxing ole time.

There is a lounge here, overlooking the pool, with a bookcase. A small library. Nice ambiance. Great place to come to, do a workout, some swimming, spend time in the hot tub, the sauna, then sit in the lounge and write!

10:29pm Driving home from the condo, one of the roads was closed. There was a street festival on. J parked the car and we went for a walk, checking out the festival. Got gyros at one of the booths. J said it was the best gyros she ever had. Her back was feeling better after the swimming & hot tubbing.

We walked past the Second Cup and J asks me if I want to go in and get something. No. I got something there about four years ago and I still have it. This Second Cup, it's the one we went to on our first date. We go in, J has an apple cider and I have a Berry Boost Smoothie. We watch people come in and out of the store. Finish our drinks, walk back to the car and drive home. I had paid for only one hour of parking and we were now one hour past the expiry time. No parking ticket - the parking angels were looking out for us.

So back to my question from this morning, thinking positive, what was the best thing about this relationship in the last three weeks? Dancing at the Vern and Angie's wedding anniversary celebration last week, and being noticed for it (recognition!). Dancing is one arena where we have gotten along well. I remember the first time I took J to a dancing event. I didn't have any of that first time we're dancing together, gotta get used to a new partner kind of awkwardness. I just led her to the dance floor, we danced and we looked and felt natural doing it. I like to polka, she likes salsa and latin dances. We did some of both and we both had fun that night.

My most memorable dance event with J was when she invited me to her company Christmas party a couple of years back. I had requested a polka from the deejay. We had the last dance of the evening; the song was Who Stole the Kishka. I remember that she wore her red dress that night (there's that red dress theme again! The lady in red is dancing with me.) We had almost the entire dance floor to ourselves - only one other couple dared to share the floor with us. By the time the music finished, we were the only couple on the floor. I didn't even notice when the other couple had left the floor - must have been after I started spinning J around in double time.

Ha ha, I just googled Who Stole the Kishka and found a few hits on You Tube. Watched a few of the videos. Some are funny, some are weird, but I did enjoy hearing the music - even if the tempo was slower than what I'm used to. Note to self - start making some content to put up on You Tube.

That's all for today.

Changing the Dance

There is a saying, that the way I do anything is the way I do everything. With that in mind, I compare the way I've been doing my Mile with the way I do this relationship dance with J.

Since I've been doing my Mile the last three or four weeks, I am in better shape, more fit. I've continually redefined my standard as my level of fitness has increased - from walking one lap, to walking two laps, to jogging sections of a lap to jogging an entire lap, to jogging two entire laps, to attempting to jog three laps.

Some days I go out and push my envelope, stretch myself into a new standard. Some days I go out and remember to be compassionate with myself, give my body some time to regenerate, and slow down to a lower standard. Sometimes it feels like taking two steps forward, followed y four steps backward, followed by a baby step, a baby step, a baby step, a baby step, just to get back to where I started from. Then I get to leap forward two or three steps again, and define a new standard again.

So this relationship dance - I think I am doing a better job of using the By me, on me, for me principle. I am being very conscientious about applying that one, and in not engaging in using the tenets and ground rules of 21CL as sparring weapons. I am putting a lot of effort into remaining aware of when I might be doing that and in sucking back when I am tempted to engage that way. I don't always succeed, and sometimes I have to throw my hands up and walk away from a situation, reground myself.

I haven't been tracking how many tenets or ground rules I am violating but I have been getting more conscientious of which ones I am applying; of connecting the various actions and strategies I use to move myself in the direction of keeping my Leadership commitments, connecting those actions and strategies with the tenets and ground rules.

One area in which I am still challenged is the dance of anger that keeps showing up in my relationship. Phil and Lori teach that it takes one person to change a relationship. I am willing to buy that when it comes to relationships in general but am finding it hard to apply it to the dance of anger. I am in a place where I feel like I have been working really hard at managing my own anger reaction myself and that I need my partner's cooperation to really get out of that dance. Perhaps the thought my partner isn't cooperating doesn't serve me and I could stretch my line of ownership and replace that thought. Then again, I also need to tell myself the truth and ask what am I pretending not to know. What am I pretending not to know, and how else can I interpret when I repeatedly ask my partner to stop treating me in a way that does not work for me, and my partner just keeps doing it until I blow up?

By keeping in mind that what I focus on expands, I will focus on my purpose rather than my problem. Focus on my purpose for being in relationship with my partner is to have a physically and emotionally healthy, caring, supportive, family unit. And hold my partner as able to follow when I lead, and to lead when I falter.

Twenty Years

8:03am Big day at church today. It's Vern and Angie's 20th wedding anniversary. It's also about 20 years since this church was started. Vern and Ange have been there since the beginning.

It's Mile time. My body is not to eager to be moving right now. It'll change its mind when I get outside.

9:22am Back from my Mile. It was - I struggled with it this morning. Felt like I was pushing it, even on the first two laps. The third lap - didn't make it all the way jogging. Did the first quarter, felt like I was just pushing too hard, so I walked the rest of the third lap. When I got home I did some Tai Chi moves in the backyard - what I remembered of the moves I learned in 21CL.

10:37am Breakfast time conversation with J, is a trip down memory lane for both of us. For J, visiting St. Joseph's yesterday was a trip back to her old neighborhood. She used to live their when she first came to Canada.

"I lived there too when I first came to Canada" I tell her.

"What do you mean when you first came to Canada, you were born here".

"Exactly," I reply. I was born in St. Joseph's hospital. I remember my parents saying they've lived on Pearson and on Westminster, though I don't remember those houses.

11:00am I'm going to have to learn the discipline of stretching when I exercise. My leg are feeling cramped up.

1:05pm This handsome bum is going to a wedding! I heard there is going to be dancing so I is wearing my dancing shoes. Better have a polka waiting for me!

2:28pm Traffic was starting to back up on the 401 just before I turned off at Guelph Line. Some people who arrived after I did said traffic was backed up even further now.

Steve, the sound guy was all frazzled. "I wish you'd gotten here two hours ago," he says when I arrive. I would have if he'd called me. Of course, I wouldn't have looked as beautiful if I had, but I'd have made the sacrifice.

The rest of the worship team has arrived. Dave is plugged in and is warming up by practicing his Rush repertoire. Distortion guitar, loud amplifier, outdoors, sounds great. Aaron jams with him on the drums. What a joyful noise!