A Christmas bug

It is two day's after Christmas. I am staying at my parent's house; I've been here since Christmas Day. I am sick and my lifestyle the last two days has been nothing but eating, drinking lots of fluids, and sleeping.

I am sick and on the verge of laryngitis though apparently safe from writyngitis. My voice is at least an octave below my normal range; if I don't recover then I will have to ask Cindy to audition me for the bass section.

It started Christmas Eve at the cafetorium, during rehearsal. I felt a tickle in my chest and sensed that some bug had already infiltrated my body. It was only a matter of time before it took over to the point of my incapacitation.

"Vern", I said, seeing an opportunity to tease my tenor buddy, "I think I'm losing my voice. You're going to have to sing loud enough for both of us."

"Oh no, you have to sing!" That's Vern - he's so easy and delightful to tease, and he takes it so well. He has a way of setting himself up for a teasing and has such a good sense of humour about it.

I prayed that my voice would last through the service. All those weeks of preparation, of learning those two new songs - they were the highlight of the pre-Christmas season for me, yet this evening, Christmas Eve, was what really mattered. All those weeks of preparation would amount to naught if any one of us was off this night. Pull together, pull through. Even if only for the two new songs, Come On Down To Bethlehem and Love's Perfect Light. If I could just get through those two songs it wouldn't even matter to me if I couldn't do the standard Christmas carols that followed. No, not just get through the new songs, but get through with excellence. A Christmas Eve service calls for a higher standard than a regular service.

The key payoff to rehearsing is to learn which parts of the song are prone to mistakes. At which parts do I tend to lose my place, or or get confused about the timing, or tend to get the words mixed up, or tend to get confused about which notes to sing. With those sections identified, it then becomes a matter of diligence during the performance to remain aware during approach of a problem spot and to take extra care to hit the right note and the right words at the right time.

During last year's Christmas Eve service, our rendition of then new song went by so quickly, it was over before I knew it. It was almost anticlimactic. Not so this year. I felt very present in every moment, every phrase, every note. And of all the anticipated trouble spots, I think that we did not hit any of them. When we finished Come On Down To Bethlehem I was elated. We did it! I patted Vern and Hardy on the back in congratulation and encouragement. We did it!

The RTWAP saga continues

Last Wednesday I attended the OSEB Phase II workshop. I was supposed to bring my Return To Work Action Plan (RTWAP) with me but I didn't have it yet and the earliest appointment I could get with an assessment counselor who could write one for me was for the day after, Thursday.

I went to see the assessment counselor on Thursday. She opened a file for me and collected some general information about me but we didn't have enough time during my short appointment with her to complete the plan. "Come back tomorrow," she told me.

So I went back on Friday and met with her again and she completed the plan. It was a rushed job because she was booked up for the day and didn't have a lot of time to spend on it and I had told her that I needed it yesterday. It was a rushed job but at least I got it and it had the all important recommendation that I apply to the OSEB program. Mission RTWAP was successful I texted to my buddy.

Several hours later I was home and getting ready to forward it to my business advisor in the OSEB program, when the counselor called me and asked me to hold the report and not send it out. She found something in my file that she wasn't sure about. It was close to the end of the business day now so I agreed to hold off and decided I would go back to the office to resolve the issue on Monday (today).

I went to see her again today and this time she told me to hold off submitting it until after January 3, and that she wanted to make some changes to it, since the original version had been rushed.

Now I was feeling stressed, because January 3 would be even later past the deadline I had for submission. So I went to see the business advisor in person and explained my situation to him. He told me to bring the plan with me when I have my Phase II interview, which is January 8. At least I have some relief on that front now.

My day at Phase II

I spent my day today at Phase II of the OSEB program. This workshop went from 9am to 4pm.

I got off to a stressful start this morning; stressed about whether I had done enough prep work, stressed about getting up so early, stressed about getting myself there on time, stressed to have to brush the snow of my car before I could go.

I ended up leaving my house later than I had planned to but still got there only two minutes after nine. We spent the first part of the morning filling out forms - confidentiality, non-disclosure, freedom of information, that sort of thing. Then we had an exercise to answer some questions like who am I and what is my business, and after we had some time to write down answers, each participant did a presentation about their business focus.

After lunch we had some more exercises and got our homework assignments, which are due next week.

I met some new people today and one of them was a film producer. I told her that I have a goal to have one of my songs used as a soundtrack in a film; she took down my contact information, and I'll see if anything comes out of this.

Although I had started my day with stress, I left that workshop feeling good about it.

Thoughts on network marketing

I am skeptical and cynical when it comes to network marketing businesses. I have heard so many bad things about them. There may be legitimate ones out there, but how does one differentiate the legitimates from the scams? I think that network marketing has gotten enough of a bad rap, that if the industry wants to be taken seriously then it better start cleaning up after itself.

Someone I know has recently approached me to join one. I've looked at the inviting scripts that I am supposed to use, and I what I see in them is that I will not establish credibility in my personal network if I use these scripts. For example, if they ask "is this multi-level marketing?" I am supposed to respond with "Absolutely it is; and its one of the finest. You have to be at my house tomorrow!"

So what is it that makes this company be one of the finest? Are there any facts to back this up or is it just a hyped up claim?

And what's with the have to language? One thing I have learned about leadership is that I do not get people to follow me by telling them they have to do anything. I have people follow me when I am being authentic and open; I have people follow me when I inspire them.

Here's another example of script that I don't like. "Listen, I just found a way for us to make some serious money! Trust me and be at my house Tuesday!" Okay, what's with the trust me language? When I hear someone say trust me an alarm goes off. I either trust someone or I don't. When my people trust me, they trust me because of my actions and because of the way I'm being. When I am being trustworthy and in integrity, my people do trust me - I don't need to tell them.

So I am skeptical and cynical when it comes to network marketing. Every once in a while I decide that I want to be more open minded about it, but when I do I start to find things about it that I don't agree with.

Return To Work Action Plan

I found out late on Friday that I have been accepted into Phase II of the OSEB (Ontario Self-Employment Benefits) program that is being offered by the TBDC (Toronto Business Development Centre). My Phase II appointment is on Wednesday. I'm supposed to bring a completed Return To Work Action Plan with me on that date. I need to go to an Employment Assessment Centre and have a counselor complete one for me.

Oops. I need to have this done for Wednesday, but the earliest appointment I could get at an Assessment Centre is for Thursday. I spent most of my morning calling the different centres in order to get this appointment.

I called the TBDC and let them know that the earliest I could bring my RTWAP is the day after my Phase II appointment and they said I could bring it then.

I'll have to carefully prepare my rationale for entering the OSEB program in order to get this RTWAP.

Christmas preparation

I tend to be slow in getting into the spirit for holiday preparations. However, one aspect of Christmas preparation that I enjoy and look forward to is rehearsing for Christmas Eve service. Last year the worship team learned a new song for the Christmas Eve service; we started rehearsing for it in November.

This year we are learning two new songs. We had a rehearsal tonight in which we went over these two songs. I have a copy of the two songs on CD and I've been learning them by listening to the CD. At tonight's rehearsal is the first one this year that I've been to where we had musicians and almost the full complement of singers to practice the songs.

I'm looking forward to the December 24 service.

Recalibrating time line

I am behind on my time line for my book in progress (see Steve Teller called me a bastard). When I planned my writing schedule in the summer, I had planned on making November be my big push month. November is the month in which NaNoWriMo takes place - National Novel Writing Month. NaNoWriMo is a creative writing project in which participants aim to write a 50,000 word novel in one month. I've never participated in a NaNoWriMo but I've thought about it. In fact, I thought I could use my current novel as an experiment to see how I'd fare in a NaNoWriMo.

Well, if this past November is any indication, I would not fare very well. My original plan was to complete my book plan by end of September, let it incubate in October, then blast out the text in November - my target was 60,000 words.

I actually completed my book plan in August, so I thought, why wait until November? The target of 60,000 words in a month sounded very ambitious and so I decided to start writing in September and plan to finish my first draft in November. I thought I would use September and October as warm ups and do my most writing in November.

Ha! November actually turned out to be my least productive writing month. Part of the reason was that I lost my job at the end of October and used a lot of my emotional energy in November setting up the transition into my new lifestyle, instead of writing.

My current word count is over 21,000 so I am just over one third towards my target. I've completed my first draft on Chapter 1, have written most of Chapter 2, and have started writing scenes for Chapters 3 and 4. I'm recalibrating my time line. My new target is to complete to end of Chapter 4 by the end of this month. The end of this year! At that point I will have completed half of my book, according to my book plan (I am planning to write eight chapters in total).

Recognizing stuck

Sometimes when I'm stuck for an idea to blog about I look back at what I blogged a year ago and see how my life has changed during that year. It's November 2008 - I look back a year and see that I wrote no entries in November or December 2007. I go back a little further and see that the last I wrote in 2007 was in October. I re-read those posts, particularly the Thanksgiving series (A Thanksgiving Weekend: Prologue, Part I, Part II, Part III, Epilogue) - and what I see there is the posts I wrote about the kids. That is one thing I miss, being Uncle. Like John-boy, from that seventies show The Waltons, I enjoy writing about my family life.

I am reminded of a part of my life where I have got stuck - my Big Brother application. I got a letter from them a while ago. It's what we use to call in my industry, a PFO letter. (The P stands for Please). After reviewing your application carefully and with certain factors to consider, we regret that we cannot continue your enrollment further. Certain factors?!? Care to tell me what they are? I called the coordinator I was dealing with at the BBBST to ask about that when I got the letter; I got voice mail only, I left a message and I never heard back from them.

To tell the truth, I have become really frustrated with the BBBST. There have been frequent occasions when I'd called them and did not get my calls returned. The coordinator who took my original application left the organization and they misplaced my file. Numerous attempts to offer the volunteer time of not only myself but of members of my Men's Division were met with lack of response or interest. Then after I get my PFO letter their president sends me a letter claiming that they have 350 children on their waiting list.

Dear President, although I believe in your mission, I have lost faith in your organization. I think you need to improve the way your organization communicates with the people who want to help BBBST and want to help those children. I think that when I have taken the time and effort to put in my application and provide you with all the supporting documentation and references you have requested, that I deserve to know why you have refused my application. I would like to know what those "certain factors" are; I'd like to know if the decision to not continue my application is a decision that could be reversed if those factors no longer existed. Don't you think that those 350 children on your waiting list deserve that too?

Won bid for laptop

I found a laptop. A Dell Latitude D620. Found one in Alberta on eBay. There were zero bids on it (I counted twice to be sure) and the starting bid was US$300. Why the price was quoted in US$ when the seller is in Alberta I don't know.

I picked the Dell Latitude D620 because it's a model I've used before. I'm familiar with it and I'm comfortable with it and I like it.

Despite there being zero bids initially, I did get into a bidding skirmish. It was a minor scrap and I came out the winner. Yeah for me. I'm expecting to receive it within the next two weeks. Once I get it, I'm back in action for my recording project.

Behold! The tax man cometh

Having signed off on the release form regarding how much severance payout I will receive and agreeing not to sue my former employer, my next hurdle was to protect my severance from the tax man. I learned that were I to elect to receive my severance as a lump sum payment, I would lose about 45% of it to withholding taxes. That's no good!

My best option to protect it would be to flow it into an RRSP. That way I would receive the full amount. Yes, I will still pay taxes on it when I take it out of my RRSP but if I can avoid doing that until at 2009 then at least I will have greater control over the timing, and more options available for planning a tax strategy.

I considered holding back enough out of my RRSP to cover the next 2-3 months of expenses. However, any amount that I don't flow into my RRSP is subject to taxation. On the other hand, one of the credit card companies offered me a great promotional rate plus a lowered transaction fee on a balance transfer. It turns out that it's cheaper for me to pay the balance transfer fee plus the interest rate than it is for me to pay the tax man.

So my course of action then is to put my entire severance into an RRSP and take out a balance transfer to cover a few months of expenses. This way I have a safety net for the next three months and I don't have to feel so rushed to get a replacement source of income.

Cover concept for Let It Rain

This image depicts my concept for the CD compilation I am producing with my church worship team.



The recording project went into a bit of a stall in the summer; gas prices got so high and the musicians were reluctant to travel to the studio, which for some members of the team is quite a drive.

The solution - when musicians won't come to the studio it is time to bring the studio to the musicians. How? A Profire 2626 audio interface, a Firewire interface, a laptop, and some digital audio software should do the trick. In theory.

I've got the Profire interface, I rented one from Long & McQuade. I've got the Firewire interface - I bought one at Best Buy. What I don't have is the laptop. I'm looking for one on craigslist. Once I get one, I'm back in action again.

Runaway Jury

Tonight was a stay at home night with Jan and Fede. Since we each have independent and busy schedules throughout the week it is nice when we occasionally all hang around together. Tonight we had pizza and watched a video, Runaway Jury, with Dustin Hoffman and Gene Hackman.

After the movie finished we watched some of the DVD extras, some of the making-of documentaries. I was interested to learn that even well established actors such as Dustin Hoffman and Gene Hackman messed up their lines and were intimated by each other.

Watching the making-of documentaries stirred up memories of my community theatres days. Jan has also had theatre experience and we both had an animated discussion, sharing our memories of those times.

Maybe one of my goals for 2009 will be getting back into theatre and getting involved in another production. It must be about ten years since I've been in a play.

More transitions

This year has been a year of transitions. It started at the beginning of the year when I split up with J and moved out. Settling in to a new living environment and getting used to being single again after living with someone for four years, have been some of the challenges I have faced this year. Getting myself organized to write and complete a book, and starting a recording project with my church worship team have been some of the creative projects I have taken on this year.

The year's challenges are not complete yet. This week my employment agreement with my employer of twelve years was terminated. This feels strange because I have not been without a job since I was in school - some twenty years ago.

Today I am not the same person I was when I started my career in IT twenty years ago. I have learned much and have grown much. What will my next twenty years look like? My journey as a Creative Playful Explorer continues.

Dating and due diligence

After years and years of being in and out of relationships I've finally figured out the concept of doing my due diligence when it comes to dating. The concept sounds really simple now, but I have been sloppy about it in the past.

I have learned that there are two things I want to find out about a potential partner before I get involved: is the playing field clear, and is there mutual interest. As I said, it's simple and obvious when I state it that way, but time and time again I have ignored these two principles and paid the price.

Vetting out if the playing field is clear - I have learned that there are certain subtleties to watch out for. Just because a woman is single does not mean she is available! Doh! How much time and energy have I spent pursuing a woman who, though single, was not available? There are other factors besides the existence of a husband or other male attachment that signal availability. Unresolved emotional issues, unhealthy habits and attitudes, are other indicators of non-availability to me. Of course, a woman might be available by someone else's standards and not by mine - I have learned that in the end I must judge only by my own standards whether she is available.

Mutual interest - I have spent far too much time and energy pursuing women who were not interested in me, thinking that if I said this or did that I will impress them and gain their interest. Forget that game! I have paid the price of playing that game with decreased self-confidence and self-esteem. Ain't worth it, not playing it no more. I am who I am and I'm an interesting person, and I'm better off using my time and energy surrounding myself with people who are genuinely interested in me and want to help me win than in trying to get someone interested in me who is not.

One other thing I've learned about dating. I've learned that when a woman I am interested in says she wants to be friends, it usually means that a woman that I want to sleep with does not want to sleep with me but wants me around to talk to about the guys she is sleeping with. That sucks and that's definitely a game not worth playing.

Designed book cover

Last night I was sitting in front of my computer and playing around with GIMP (the open source equivalent of Photoshop) and I felt inspired so I created a mock up of what I envision my book cover to be for my current novel-in-progress, That Warrior Spirit.

I really like the design I came up with and I am pleased with myself. I'd love to post it here and show it off but I am faced with an ethical, maybe legal, dilemma. One of the images I used in my composition is a photo I took of one of the men in MDI, with my cell phone. Do I need his permission to use a photo I took of him myself on my book cover? Do I need to get him to sign a model release?

I've looked up model release on wikipedia. It says that Publishing an identifiable photo of a person without a model release signed by that person can result in civil liability for whoever publishes the photograph. One of the key words here seems to be identifiable. If I manipulate the image so that the subject is not recognizable, would I still be at risk of civil liability if I did not have a signed model release?

First mix of Thank You

I have four songs in the process of being recorded now. Make that five, if I count the Holy Spirit Rain Down/Let It Rain medley as two separate songs. At tonight's session I went back to the first song of the bunch, Thank You. The last time I worked on this song was when we added the vocals and guitar solo (see Recording vocals).

There are still some guitar parts I've thought of adding, but I've got a lot of tracks down already so I decided to do a "premix" using what was already there. I've come back to this song after letting it rest since July and I have to say that I really like how it sounds. I am proud of the work that the musicians have put into it. A few times I've heard them tell me Remember we're not professionals, and I just have to ask them to stop saying that. They are all experienced, skilled and talented people.

We made three different versions of the mix tonight. The differences between the three are minor though, and lie in how we handled the lead guitar on the ending. In the first version we kept it the way David originally performed it. In the second version we edited his performance so it sounds like he sustained the final note rather than repeatedly picking it. In the third version we edited his original performance so that it sounded like he repeatedly picked the final note longer than he actually did.

I considered making a couple of alternate mixes, one with more emphasis on the piano performance and one with more emphasis on the rhythm guitar - there are so many different things that I can do with this song that if I try out all my ideas I will never finish this project.

Started Let It Rain medley

I had a recording session tonight. I wasn't sure what I was going to record because some of the musicians I wanted to work with where not available (see Opening the floodgates).

A few weeks ago I had a session and started a new project - the remake of Magician's Plea that I'd been thinking of starting for some time now.

So it all came down to Steve O. If he was available tonight and confident enough to track on Let It Rain then I would focus on that, otherwise I would continue building Magician's Plea.

It turned out that Steve O was available and willing to come to the studio. I had envisioned him playing acoustic guitar but he said he was rusty on the acoustic and preferred to play bass tonight.

So it all came together. Three of us at the studio - the two Steves and myself.

I brought a lo-fi recording of the arrangement we played yesterday at church, a medley of Holy Spirit Rain Down and Let It Rain. We used that to chart the arrangement, which we tweaked a tiny little bit.

Steve O played bass and Steve S contributed acoustic guitar. So I now have four songs in progress, four songs being recorded. I've got a lot of balls up in the air now, which is fine with me. It suits my INTJ personality. Plus I have lots of options and flexibility for moving forward even when musicians are not available for a session.

Steve Teller called me a bastard

I think it's cool that Steve Teller called me a bastard.

Who is Steve Teller? you might be wondering.

He is one of the characters in the book I am working on. (See Feet back on home ground). I am developing a scene in which four characters are doing an exercise called This is what I want you to know about me. This is an exercise in which the participants open up and reveal themselves to each other.

In order to write this scene, I have to know what each character is going to reveal about himself - since they're all fictitious characters I have to invent or discover who they are.

A tool I use to do this is the Interview. I ask the character questions and I write down their responses. And sometimes their responses are surprising and colorful.

During his interview, Steve Teller answered one of my questions using a euphemism. So I paraphrased him using direct, blunt language. To which he replied, "You bastard". I must have struck a chord!

Why I think it's cool that he called me a bastard, is that his character is coming to life. He's starting to interact with me, the writer. I like the exchange so much that I'm going to keep that dialog in the story.

You'll have to read the book to find out what I said to him that prompted him to call me a bastard.

...and the show's about to begin!

I've been trying to set up a recording session to start Let It Rain but have not yet coordinated everyone's schedule. I had a window available at the studio for tomorrow night but key members of the team were not available then.

So I decided to book the session anyway and start that project that I meant to start in 2007 but hadn't got around to it yet - a remake of Magician's Plea. (See Come, let me show you my tricks)

My original version of Magician's Plea is some eight minutes long and has some long instrumental passages. My thoughts for the remake are to shorten some of the long instrumentals to the more standard 8 bar instrumental. However, I think some of those instrumental passages that I wrote are interesting so I'm not throwing them away completely. Instead I'll spawn them off into a few side projects - stand alone instrumental-only songs, along the lines of the instrumental version I made of The Great Escape in 2006. (See Should I change the name?) So the result I am envisioning is a collection that I think of as Magician's Suite, featuring a redux of the original song plus a couple of new instrumentals.

Opening the floodgates

After taking a bit of a summer break from my recording project (see Recording vocals), I am starting to move the ball forward again.

I met with Steve O tonight in an offline rehearsal to work out an arrangement for Let It Rain. This song is both simple and complex. It is simple in that it uses only about four chords, has a simple melody, and has only four lines of lyrics and three of those four are the same line repeated. It is complex in that it has potential for rich harmonies and textures and dynamics.

Because the song is so repetitive I wasn't sure how to structure the arrangement. How many times to repeat the verse? Where should it build and where should it come down? How many times should the verse repeat before the instrumental break, and for how many cycles should the instrumental repeat?

Steve O found a chord chart on the CCLI website. I learned that the chord progression is not as repetitive as I thought - there are some minor variations from verse to verse.

So now I'm clear how I want to approach this in the studio. To put down bed tracks, I'd like to invite Steve O to play acoustic guitar, David (who played guitar on Thank You and How Can I Keep From Singing...) to play bass, and Cindy to play keyboard, and I will do guide vocals. Once the bed tracks are done, I will have a second session to add layers and textures and to build the dynamics.

In the meantime I ponder... could all the thunderstorms we've been having this summer have anything to do with all the times that I've been singing this song? Let it rain, let it rain, open the floodgates of heaven, let it rain.

How dating is like football

So without going down to the level of crudity, here is how I see the Dating Game as being like football.

The Dating Game is like football except I have an unlimited number of downs to make touchdown - I am not limited to three or four downs before I lose possession of the ball.

There is no opposing team to tackle me. I may fall or fumble the ball. If I fall it is not because someone has tackled me, it is simply because I fell. Maybe my shoelaces were untied and I tripped over them - I get up, retie my shoelaces and try again. Maybe the most I can run is six yards at a time so I advance the ball as far as I can before I stumble, then get up and move the ball the next six yards. I challenge and stretch myself so that I reach the point where I advance seven yards at a time.

I never lose possession of the ball. When I stumble I might drop the ball and lose track of where the ball is. I find the ball then continue my next play from there.

When the pond is dry I cast my line in another pond. I haven't figured out a football analogy for this one yet so I am murphing my mixaphors.

Shaking the tree

One of the commitments I made at my recent Twenty First Century Leadership retreat (see Rebuild, reimagine, renivent) was to become proactive, and learn what steps I can take to accelerate the process of finding a match to be my Little Brother. I have been waiting for a match for a long time now (see The Big Brother waiting game).

Since returning from Seattle, I've started shaking the tree - I've made several follow up calls and have made some progress. I've learned that the lady who took my application last year is no longer with BBBST. I've learned who has taken over my case file. I now have an appointment set up for an interview with the new case worker.

As far as my leadership commitments go, I am on track with this one. I think I may actually have a match by the end of the month, and I'm getting excited about this new adventure and about writing this new chapter of my life.

Feet back on home ground, mind is miles above

I've been back home from Seattle for over a week now. My feet are back on home ground now, but my mind is miles above.

One thing I took away with me from my 21CL experience this year was a detailed plan to complete a first draft of a book by the end of November. That sounds like an aggressive schedule, considering that I've been working on Mission: Dawn for some four years now. I've learned some things about organizing myself to write a book during those years, and I think my schedule is doable.

This book is not Mission: Dawn, but I think that by following my plan I will gain the experience to finish Mission: Dawn.

This book is about four men who transform their lives when they become involved in a men's organization. I am creating a fictional organization for the book, but am modeling it after the real world Mens Division that I belong to. I have plenty of real life experience to draw on for creating this story - unlike my science fiction novel, for which I work a lot more in order to "discover the story".

The first milestone in my schedule is to write Character Biographies, Character Interviews, and Character Arcs, by August 3. That's just a few days away - I already have most of my Character Bio's done, but I'll have to get motoring to get everything else done by the 3rd.

Improvisation and inspiration

I've completed Twenty First Century Leadership last week and I am now taking advantage of the extra days in Seattle before returning home. I am now a three-time graduate of 21CL.

Last week I came out to Seattle without booking my accomodations for the days that I would be staying after the workshop ended, or what I would be doing with those extra days. Work out the rest when I get there, I told myself. Well that is just what I've been doing. I'm learning to trust my instincts more, trust myself more, trust that I will handle whatever situation comes up. Trust that I have all I need to get where I'm going (physically as well as metaphorically); trust that I need to deal only with the next step and that I will handle the next step after that when the time comes.

My coach often tells me that to inspire others I need to be myself inspired. I am learning that the more I trust my instincts, trust my intuition, trust my gut, and act on that trust and see things work out, the more I find myself in a place of inspiration.

Rebuild, reimagine, renivent

Just a couple more days before I head out back to Seattle, back for another Twenty First Century Leadership workshop. In some ways it's going to feel a little strange, returning to the journey I took last year. A journey I took last year when my life was quite different than how it is now. A four year chapter that ended with a sudden plot twist.

I will be staying in Seattle for a few extra days after the workshop ends. Where - I don't know yet. I haven't booked my accommodation yet. It's not like me to leave this kind of detail so close to the wire. Yet a part of me is saying go with it. Go to Seattle on Monday and work out the rest when I get there. That wouldn't be like me at all.

ITIL certification

I passed my ITIL certification exam this week. Now I'm in recovery mode.

I did a lasagna Mile tonight to get out some of the stress I've been handling this week. The lasagna Mile was one lap jogging, one lap walking, one lap jogging, and one more lap walking. Did it with wrist weights on.

I'm starting to slip from my goal of doing my Mile three times a week. Only got it in twice last week - preparing for my ITIL exam took quite a lot out of me. As for this week, well - it's already Wednesday and I just did my first Mile for the week. I can still hit my target though, if I do one on Friday and one on Sunday.

Recording vocals

Tonight was the third session in this series.

One thing I learned after the first two sessions, when it comes to coordinating studio schedules where several musicians are involved, is to pick a focal person and coordinate everything around that person's schedule. The first session, the focal person was Cindy on keyboards. The second session, the focal person was Aaron on drums.

The focal people I wanted to bring to the third session were not available due to summer travel. However, David (guitar) suggested that he and his wife Diane (vocals) come in and do their parts in the same session so that they would only have to make one trip to the studio. Now logically I would not plan to do vocals and guitar solo in the same session, but the circumstances directed that this was my best option since I wanted to move forward and not wait until August. So David and Diane became my foci. Steve O and Vern were both available tonight as well, so I had four vocalists (including myself) plus one guitarist.

This was a challenge for me because it was the first time I'd done a session with multiple vocalists - in past projects I've always worked with one vocalist at a time.

It was particularly challenging syncing up the vocals on Thank You. There are many syllables and most lines are sung in unison, so it is very important to get the syncing bang on. We did a couple of run throughs and found we were most off on the verses; the chorus and tag were fine. A couple of run throughs of verse 1 and it just wasn't coming together. So we did it line by line and finally got it together the best we could. David then added his guitar solo to the instrumental and added some picking to the tag, and that was the evening.

There are still some guitar and vocal dubs I'd like to add, but those will wait; I'd like to move on and start recording some of the other songs.

The Mile is getting flatter

I did my Mile last night. I've been noticing that each time I go out to do it, the uphill parts seem to get flatter.

Jan decided to get out and do her own version of the Mile. I felt a sense of accomplishment in thinking that by being an example I may have inspired Jan to take this action and further her own recovery.

I find a certain irony in this as well, a sense of coming around full circle, because I myself had been inspired by Jan's example years ago. After she did her 21st Century Leadership years ago, she continued to do her Mile regularly afterward. She continued to do that for some four years after. It was knowing that, that inspired me to start doing the Mile last year after I returned from Seattle.

My new Mile

One thing I brought back from my trip last year to Seattle to do Twenty First Century Leadership was the Mile. The Mile was a ritual I started practicing last July; doing the Mile was going for a jog around the park. It started off as a goal just to get out the door in the morning and do it. Then it became a goal to do it daily throughout the week. Once I succeeded in making it a regular habit, I measured my progress by how many laps I would do.

I kept up with this habit until around October. I got up to around four laps. By October the days were much shorter and the weather got colder so it became too difficult to keep going with it. I got off my Mile last fall, and my body sure felt it.

I'm living in a different place now than where I was last year. One of the joys I had in settling in was finding a new route to be my Mile. I have found a park near by and have adopted it for my new Mile. I don't know if the distance around the park, one lap, is longer or not than my old Mile. I don't even know if it's longer or shorter than one physical mile. It doesn't matter to me what the actual distance is, it is still my Mile. It is the ritual of it more than the actual physical distance.

I had been doing my Mile regularly on a week to week basis until last month when my life got really busy and I was staying up a lot of late nights and decided that my body needed the extra sleep in the mornings more than it needed the exercise. Well I might have been fine with that decision for a few weeks but it just doesn't do for me to keep avoiding. So I gave myself a kick in the ass and got some support from a member on my men's team and recommitted. Right now my goal is to get out and do my Mile three times a week. I hit that goal last week. I did Day #1 for this week tonight so I am tracking to hit that goal again.

My old Mile was all on flat ground; my new Mile has some hilly area. That suits me fine - that means I am training myself to run uphill. There is something about that which reflects my personality.

On Sunday I went out with the goal to break three laps. During my final lap I realized that I had lost count; I wasn't sure if it was my second lap or third lap, and I wasn't up to doing an extra lap just to be sure. This evening I went out with the goal to do three laps and to remain aware of my lap count. I can happily claim that I accomplished that tonight.

Gala squared

I just got back from an evening out at the Gala of Hope - a fund raiser sponsored by Children of Hope and HELPS International. There was dinner and a silent auction. I had fun during the auction. I bid on a sailing cruise; had some competition that kept me on my toes but won it in the end.

This is my month for Galas. Galae? Last week I attended the BBBST Big Night Out Gala. I wrote about that event in my post titled The Big Brother waiting game. After trying for several weeks to connect with the volunteer coordinator for that event, Wayne, I finally got an email from him the day before the event with the volunteer schedule.

At the event I started to understand why I'd been having difficulty getting in touch with the volunteer coordinator. The event was huge and there was a ton of stuff to coordinate. They were expecting some 700 people. They had an auction too. One of the prizes was a guitar autographed by the Rolling Stones. The starting bid was $3,500 and it went for $5,000. (I didn't bid on it - are you kidding?) My volunteer job was parking lot attendant, during the beginning of the evening. After that I got to go inside, have dinner, and be one of the silent auction monitors. I got to talk to Wayne about volunteer possibilities with the Men's Division, as well as the grant my employer is offering. At the end of the evening I felt wiped from being on my feet for so long in the parking lot, but I had a nice time.

I had a nice time at tonight's Gala as well. It wasn't as big in terms of numbers, but I had fun bidding on the boat. I also picked up a pair of folding Muskoka chairs - I figure they'll be my Father's Day present for my dad tomorrow.

Tale of Two Steves

Had a drum session at the studio on Friday night. Once again the session went well. It took an hour to set up the drum kit and mic it. Then we spent one hour on Thank You and one hour on How Can I Keep From Singing Your Praise. Aaron played the drums. He's probably the youngest member of the worship team, at 17. I had invited Preston to come in again to play bass and give Aaron someone to play off but Preston was unavailable. Steve O. came - I had thought to have him play acoustic rhythm guitar but we ended up having him play bass to accompany Aaron's drumming. So we now have two sets of bass tracks. Will we use Steve O's bass track or Preston's from last session? Steve Sherman recommends using Steve O's track because it was performed in sync with the drums.

What we did was a bit unusual, bringing in the drummer after we already had the bed tracks. Steve Sherman was concerned, given that we hadn't played to a click track, but it seems to have worked out and I think it was the right way to do it. Will I do it the same way when we do Let It Rain? I don't know yet, but it is the way I would prefer to do it. I prefer to treat the drums as an instrument rather than to require the drummer to be the timekeeper for the band - we can use a click track for that purpose.

How Can I Keep is finished from an instrumental point of view; it doesn't need anything else and is ready for vocals.

Aaron and Steve O. both said they had fun. Aaron got to make a lot more noise than he usually gets to at our Thursday night rehearsals! Steve said he hoped to be back to the studio do more work. Amen.

Let the sessions begin

The sessions have begun! Cindy, Preston, Dave, all traveled to the studio to put down some bed tracks. It was the Friday of a long weekend and I wasn't sure if they'd run into traffic on their way across town, but they showed up right at seven.

We played two songs, Thank You and How Can I Keep From Singing Your Praise. Cindy played the keyboard, Dave on rhythm guitar, Preston on bass. I sang guide vocals in the isolation booth and Cindy contributed secondary vocals.

We put down two takes for Thank You. Cindy suggested playing the instrumental break based on the tag but I hear it as being based on the chorus so that's how we did it in those two takes. I wanted to do a third take with the instrumental based on the tag as per Cindy's idea, to see where it could go, but we didn't have time for that. The chord structure for the tag is similar to the chords in the chorus so the end result may not have been that different from what we did anyway.

We also recorded three takes of How Can I Keep From Singing Your Praise. The third take felt the best. I really felt on, especially the last time through the chorus, and built it up through each repetition of the final take.

I listened to the session mix while driving home and got really excited about it. I was singing harmonies in my car and waving my arms around, playing air drums. I think the next step will be to focus on the percussion and rhythm on Thank You, especially on the tag. I'll want to bring in a drummer and I think a bass player too, so that drums and bass can play off each other.

Click on the play button below to hear an excerpt from the session.


powered by ODEO

The Big Brother waiting game

Over half a year has passed since I had the personal interview with the Big Brothers association (BBBST). I wrote about that in my post, Prologue to my Big Brother Adventure.

I went through a major disruption in my lifestyle in the winter months when I moved, so I was not in a place to provide a sense of stability to a Little. However, I'm settling in nicely following my move, so I want to pick up that part of my life again, of becoming a Big Brother. I've left a couple of follow-up messages with the volunteer coordinator I met last year but have had no response yet.

In addition to becoming a Big Brother, I see another opportunity for leadership. The company I work for wishes to encourage volunteerism and is offering a grant to employees who volunteer 40 hours within the next fiscal year. So I see this as a personal challenge and a leadership opportunity for me to qualify for that grant on behalf of BBBST.

Forty hours in a year averages to about 4 hours a month. I know the BBBST is having a Big Night Out event in June and they have asked the men's division I am in for volunteers to help with the event. So this looks like a great place for me to start working on that goal.

I've sent a couple of messages (email and voice mail) to the designated BBBST representative to get more information about volunteering for the Big Night Out event, but have not heard back from him either.

So while I play this waiting game, I have some choices. I could be frustrated about this lack of response. I could decide that I've done all I can here and put my energy into something else instead. I could think about a concept I learned last year at 21CL, called stretching my line of ownership.

What does stretching my line of ownership mean and what does it look like in this case? For now, it means I continue to hold the vision of a successful event put on by the BBBST with all the volunteer help they need - including me and other men in the men's division that want to help. It means I hold the vision of a mutually satisfying relationship developing between BBBST and the men's division. It means holding the vision of BBBST benefiting from the grant that my employer wants to give away. It means holding the vision of myself forming a mutually satisfying relationship with a Little, and moving forward in creating or attracting my own family.

When I hold this vision in mind, I am moved to make different choices and take different actions, be more persistent, proactive and powerful, than when I remain frustrated or discouraged.

Pivotal moments

Tonight at my men's team meeting, we were led through an exercise in which we were asked to think about a time when someone said something to us that altered the course of our life.

One such experience that came up for me was when I was still in university. I had completed my first year in an Arts program and I was dissatisfied. I recalled that in my final year at high school I had really put myself to it and did really well in my Math classes. I often stayed up until three in the morning studying for my Math tests and I got 80s and 90s on my tests. In my first year in Arts I would sometimes stay up until three working on an assignment and only get a C. When I was in Math my marks were proportional to the amount of effort I put into my assignments and tests. In Arts, my marks seemed completely arbitrary. I started to think about transferring to a Math program.

I made some inquiries and learned that I could transfer to the Math department. However, I hadn't earned enough transfer credits in my Arts program. This meant that I would have to start over at Year One if I were to transfer - and graduate a year later than if I stayed in Arts. Should I do it or not? I had the summer to decide.

One night I was at a weekend long beach party up in cottage country. I met a girl on the beach at night and we chatted away. I mentioned to her the decision I was facing, that would mean delay my graduation by a year and cause me to graduate later than my peers. She said, "When you're forty and doing what you want, that one year won't matter."

I took her point and decided then and there that I would do it, transfer into Math. As for falling behind my peers, I realized I would meet a new set of peers. The girl's comment to me that night on the beach encouraged me to make a decision that affected the rest of my adult life. I know too, with the benefit of hindsight, that I made the right choice. She was right - I am in my forties now and it doesn't matter that I took an extra year to finish school.

Rolling the music ball

After my failed attempt to start the Come Now Is The Time To Worship remix (see Now is the time) I'm picking up this recording project again, with a different approach.

The archives still have not appeared so I've picked two other songs to start recording first. One is Thank You - no, it's not the Led Zeppelin song. It's a song the worship team learned last year. It's one of those songs that I get goosebumps when we perform it at a service. The other song I've picked is How Can I Keep From Singing Your Praise. The worship team learned it last year for Vern and Angie's 20th wedding anniversary (see Twenty Years).We practiced it a lot for the anniversary last year and if I do say so myself, we really did a good job of it.

I've got a session booked at the studio for next Friday. I've booked it around Cindy's schedule. Cindy is the worship team leader and keyboard player. The guys on the team describe her as the glue that binds together all the instrumentalists. Dave, one of the guitar players, won't feel confident to put down his tracks without having Cindy's cues to follow, so I've got them both booked to come to the studio with me to start putting down the bed tracks.

I am really excited about starting this project.

Moving Day - Aftermath

6:36am It's bladder o'clock. Time to get up and return the rental truck.

10:06am I asked Fede to drive the truck back to the rental depot and I followed him in my car. After we returned the truck we went back to the old house, picked up the last few remaining items, swept the floor and locked up. "A year was not enough to become attached to this place," says Fede. Hmm, a year is how long we've committed to being at the new house. I think I will be attached to it by the end of that time.

On the way home we picked up breakfast at Tim Horton's and brought it home to share with Jan. Our first breakfast together, the three of us, in this new home.

I thought of going to my church for service this morning but ended up not going. I wanted to enjoy a leisurely relaxed breakfast and not rush to make it for service.

Jan's friend Marlene has come and brought a wonderful fruit platter and pastries. A second breakfast!

11:33am Went through the voice messages on my cell phone. My voice mailbox was full - a whole bunch of messages from Friday. I don't know when they came in; I thought I'd checked my messages Friday night. One of the old messages was from John Dunham. "We'll make things happen for you, Orest," he had said. Well he and his team certainly did, they certainly made things happen. I recall that they all had such a positive attitude too; I heard no grumbling about giving up a Saturday for moving boxes and furniture.

7:59pm Where did the day go? Jan's friend Monika was here and Mark Z came too. Dan Galler came for a couple of hours and helped us rearrange the living room. Mark Z helped make the living room more homey, lived in. So no boxes, no upturned couches in the living room.

We've had dinner, a nice homey dinner in the dining room. Lasagna - I picked one up at Sobey's, and Caesar salad. Seizure salad? We're settling in to watch a video. Red Dragon lost out to Left Behind.

11:20pm Turning in. Had a discussion about Revelations, Apocalypse, Rapture, after the movie. Mark commented that it was like having our own church discussion group right here at home.

My car keys disappeared today along with my keys to the storage locker. So I ended up not clearing out the locker. My entertainment unit is still there.

Although I enjoyed yesterday and felt engaged, today I feel myself crashing. Need to get back to self-care mode.

Moving Day

6:45am My alarm has gone off several times. Each time I've silenced it with the snooze button and willed my reluctant body to get up. The alarm I can't ignore is my bladder. My bladder has no snooze option.

7:29am I pour some cereal into bowl and add milk. Uh oh, where are the spoons? They've already been packed away. I can't eat this properly. Frame of fun - I stick my face in the bowl and gobble up a few pieces, like a cat eating out of its bowl.

10:09am Had some logistical challenges getting truck to the house - Pablo didn't bring his credit card, had to take him home to get it so I could add him as a driver. After getting the truck to the house we had a challenge backing the truck onto the walkway in front of the house. A neighbour's car was in the way, but the guys managed to back the truck in. Mike the Mover is here, Pablo, Joe Guitar, Ted Frank. Jan is looking after Pablo's daughter Carole. Carole is such a sweetie. She calls me Orest not Uncle Orest. I miss being called Uncle Orest.

1:36pm We've fallen behind schedule and are falling off track. The truck is full with Jan and Fede's stuff, no room for my stuff.

2:30pm The crew has rearranged the contents of the truck to make more room at the back. So it looks like we'll be able to finish emptying the house into the rental truck. Randy can come later with his truck - we should be able to use it to empty my storage locker.

I am experiencing the level of chaos now that I find most enjoyable, I am thriving in it.

8:02pm The work shifts have been coming and going, seamlessly. People show up, they help as long as they can, they leave, someone else shows up.

9:01pm Late shift here now, emptying what's left of my storage locker into Steve Oliver's 5x10 trailer (Bart Vance, John Dunham, Alex Garcia, Steve Oliver, Joe Guitar). Another crew is at the new house unloading the rental truck.

The guys keep telling me to sit down, not move stuff. It's hard to sit around and do nothing when the guys are working so hard to help me - but they're looking after me as well. My ankles are sore and inflamed and when I walk I waddle like a lame duck.

11:01pm The crew has all left now. What an amazing day. There are still a few things left at the old house to pick up tomorrow and some things at the storage locker - but that's a job for tomorrow. We have beds set up, though I don't have any sheets. If I find my sleeping bag I'll throw it on top of my bed. A bed! A mattress!

Valley of the shadow of moving

Lori from Extraordinary Learning wrote to me this week encouraging me to see this move through a frame of fun. That's a useful reminder for me. I have a number of things to take care of in the upcoming weeks and they all feel like responsibility things, head things, rather than heart things.

Looking at this move through a frame of fun is a better context than the one I've been holding - moving is hell, moving is stressful, I'm walking through the valley of the shadow of moving.

I think the key idea is to look at this entire event through a frame of fun rather than just adding a fun event to the agenda.

Now is the time

Several years ago I did a recording project - the only project I've done so far that I've brought my bandura into the studio. I recorded a cover of the worship song Come Now Is The Time To Worship. I performed all the bandura tracks and Jan sang the lead vocals. I was sick during the vocal sessions and my voice was about an octave lower than my usual range, so I put down a backing vocal track singing bass.

I've been wanting to revisit that project to remix it. That's one of my projects for 2008. I booked a session for last week thinking I'd kick off this project. Unfortunately Steve could not find an archive copy of the original project. I'm still in moving transition and most of my stuff is in a storage locker, so I have not had a chance to search my own archives. So this project will have to hold a bit longer.

On the plus side, this weekend is the date I'll be moving. Hooray. I'll finally get to start settling in, get my stuff unpacked, start to feel like I've got a home again, sleep in my bed again.

A vision for ODO

When I set out to clean up ODO (see ODO bloated) I recognized that I am not very good at cleaning up clutter. I tend to get caught up in the question of should I keep this or let it go? and when in doubt I tend to stay on the side of keeping it. This behaviour defeats the whole purpose of cleaning up.

I decided that a more effective strategy would be to focus on all the things I actually wanted to do with ODO and build that system or systems. By using this approach I would be using the Law of attraction to move towards something - a vision - instead of moving away from something - a cluttered system.

I realized that all the things I wanted to do with this machine, I could fit into one of three environments. The first was Administration & Communication. This environment is the one I would use for email, for word processing, speadsheets - in essence for office applications or for administration use. This would be my most stable environment, for once I have my preferred applications installed I would rarely install or experiment with other applications.

The other two environments I wanted to build would be subject to more experimentation and I want to keep my experiments and trials isolated from my Admin & Comm system. One is a Video Production environment and the other is an Audio Production environment. To date I have built my Admin & Comm system using Windows XP as base operating system, and I am looking at Ubuntu or Ubuntu Studio for the Video and Audio environments.

Time to catch up

February was a month of changes and stress for me. The biggest change I have made was splitting up with J and moving out. Moving is hell, I don't like doing it so I don't do it too often. However I will be doing it again at the end of the month. I'm staying with my friends Jan and Fede in their two bedroom apartment until the end of March and after that the three of us are moving to a house that we're leasing for a year.

Another stress in February for me was the cold cold cold and the snow snow snow. I know, I'm Canadian, I'm supposed to be used to it - but it got to me and I'd had enough.

My mom almost had a heart attack the other week and ended up in emergency. That wasn't good. Fortunately the angiogram they ran on her at the hospital revealed no blockages. A couple of day's rest for her, some medication, and she came home from the hospital.

It's time for me to go back to the studio and do another music project. I've got a list of projects I want to do this year including Magician's Plea which I never got to last year, and a list of worship songs I'd like to record.

Stay tuned for more.

Will SETI taste like spam?

You may be aware of the SETI project - Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. A number of efforts have been organized to detect signs of intelligent extraterrestrial life. The general approach of most SETI efforts is to survey the sky for for evidence of transmissions from a civilization on some distant planet. A certain form, known as Active SETI or METI (Messages to Extraterrestrial Intelligence) consists of sending signals into space in the hope that they will be detected by an extraterrestrial intelligence. Discussions of this approach consider that a response may be altruistic, benign, or malevolent.

Let's consider this possibility. Extraterrestrial life detects our signals and responds. If they react like us humans do, pretty soon we will be overrun with extraterrestrial messages offering various devices for penis enlargement. We will receive requests to supply personal banking information so that the First Galactic Bank of Arcturus can verify our records. We will receive requests soliciting our assistance in moving large amounts of money trapped in an account held by a wealthy alien in the Sirius sector.

Will gmail be able to handle the intergalactic spam problem?

A New Year's revolution

January is a time to make life changing decisions. January is a time to look at life from a larger perspective, not from a day to day "gotta do the laundry and get groceries" operational perspective, but a larger perspective like "what do I want to accomplish with the next 12 months". A time to ask what part of my life have I been trying persistently to make better and it just isn't working and I don't want to try any more.

ODO bloated

I got my current computer four, maybe five, years ago. That makes it a senior citizen, about eighty years old in human years. It's sill strong and healthy, despite its age.

I named this computer ODO, after the shape shifting character on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Knowing how I like to tinker with technology, I anticipated that I would take this machine through various upgrades, several stages of evolution throughout its life cycle. And I have tinkered with its hardware and software configurations over the years.

Over the course of four years the software side has become bloated. I've downloaded and installed various trial pieces of software, some of which I've kept and some I discarded. It's time to clean up.