A Christmas bug

It is two day's after Christmas. I am staying at my parent's house; I've been here since Christmas Day. I am sick and my lifestyle the last two days has been nothing but eating, drinking lots of fluids, and sleeping.

I am sick and on the verge of laryngitis though apparently safe from writyngitis. My voice is at least an octave below my normal range; if I don't recover then I will have to ask Cindy to audition me for the bass section.

It started Christmas Eve at the cafetorium, during rehearsal. I felt a tickle in my chest and sensed that some bug had already infiltrated my body. It was only a matter of time before it took over to the point of my incapacitation.

"Vern", I said, seeing an opportunity to tease my tenor buddy, "I think I'm losing my voice. You're going to have to sing loud enough for both of us."

"Oh no, you have to sing!" That's Vern - he's so easy and delightful to tease, and he takes it so well. He has a way of setting himself up for a teasing and has such a good sense of humour about it.

I prayed that my voice would last through the service. All those weeks of preparation, of learning those two new songs - they were the highlight of the pre-Christmas season for me, yet this evening, Christmas Eve, was what really mattered. All those weeks of preparation would amount to naught if any one of us was off this night. Pull together, pull through. Even if only for the two new songs, Come On Down To Bethlehem and Love's Perfect Light. If I could just get through those two songs it wouldn't even matter to me if I couldn't do the standard Christmas carols that followed. No, not just get through the new songs, but get through with excellence. A Christmas Eve service calls for a higher standard than a regular service.

The key payoff to rehearsing is to learn which parts of the song are prone to mistakes. At which parts do I tend to lose my place, or or get confused about the timing, or tend to get the words mixed up, or tend to get confused about which notes to sing. With those sections identified, it then becomes a matter of diligence during the performance to remain aware during approach of a problem spot and to take extra care to hit the right note and the right words at the right time.

During last year's Christmas Eve service, our rendition of then new song went by so quickly, it was over before I knew it. It was almost anticlimactic. Not so this year. I felt very present in every moment, every phrase, every note. And of all the anticipated trouble spots, I think that we did not hit any of them. When we finished Come On Down To Bethlehem I was elated. We did it! I patted Vern and Hardy on the back in congratulation and encouragement. We did it!

The RTWAP saga continues

Last Wednesday I attended the OSEB Phase II workshop. I was supposed to bring my Return To Work Action Plan (RTWAP) with me but I didn't have it yet and the earliest appointment I could get with an assessment counselor who could write one for me was for the day after, Thursday.

I went to see the assessment counselor on Thursday. She opened a file for me and collected some general information about me but we didn't have enough time during my short appointment with her to complete the plan. "Come back tomorrow," she told me.

So I went back on Friday and met with her again and she completed the plan. It was a rushed job because she was booked up for the day and didn't have a lot of time to spend on it and I had told her that I needed it yesterday. It was a rushed job but at least I got it and it had the all important recommendation that I apply to the OSEB program. Mission RTWAP was successful I texted to my buddy.

Several hours later I was home and getting ready to forward it to my business advisor in the OSEB program, when the counselor called me and asked me to hold the report and not send it out. She found something in my file that she wasn't sure about. It was close to the end of the business day now so I agreed to hold off and decided I would go back to the office to resolve the issue on Monday (today).

I went to see her again today and this time she told me to hold off submitting it until after January 3, and that she wanted to make some changes to it, since the original version had been rushed.

Now I was feeling stressed, because January 3 would be even later past the deadline I had for submission. So I went to see the business advisor in person and explained my situation to him. He told me to bring the plan with me when I have my Phase II interview, which is January 8. At least I have some relief on that front now.

My day at Phase II

I spent my day today at Phase II of the OSEB program. This workshop went from 9am to 4pm.

I got off to a stressful start this morning; stressed about whether I had done enough prep work, stressed about getting up so early, stressed about getting myself there on time, stressed to have to brush the snow of my car before I could go.

I ended up leaving my house later than I had planned to but still got there only two minutes after nine. We spent the first part of the morning filling out forms - confidentiality, non-disclosure, freedom of information, that sort of thing. Then we had an exercise to answer some questions like who am I and what is my business, and after we had some time to write down answers, each participant did a presentation about their business focus.

After lunch we had some more exercises and got our homework assignments, which are due next week.

I met some new people today and one of them was a film producer. I told her that I have a goal to have one of my songs used as a soundtrack in a film; she took down my contact information, and I'll see if anything comes out of this.

Although I had started my day with stress, I left that workshop feeling good about it.

Thoughts on network marketing

I am skeptical and cynical when it comes to network marketing businesses. I have heard so many bad things about them. There may be legitimate ones out there, but how does one differentiate the legitimates from the scams? I think that network marketing has gotten enough of a bad rap, that if the industry wants to be taken seriously then it better start cleaning up after itself.

Someone I know has recently approached me to join one. I've looked at the inviting scripts that I am supposed to use, and I what I see in them is that I will not establish credibility in my personal network if I use these scripts. For example, if they ask "is this multi-level marketing?" I am supposed to respond with "Absolutely it is; and its one of the finest. You have to be at my house tomorrow!"

So what is it that makes this company be one of the finest? Are there any facts to back this up or is it just a hyped up claim?

And what's with the have to language? One thing I have learned about leadership is that I do not get people to follow me by telling them they have to do anything. I have people follow me when I am being authentic and open; I have people follow me when I inspire them.

Here's another example of script that I don't like. "Listen, I just found a way for us to make some serious money! Trust me and be at my house Tuesday!" Okay, what's with the trust me language? When I hear someone say trust me an alarm goes off. I either trust someone or I don't. When my people trust me, they trust me because of my actions and because of the way I'm being. When I am being trustworthy and in integrity, my people do trust me - I don't need to tell them.

So I am skeptical and cynical when it comes to network marketing. Every once in a while I decide that I want to be more open minded about it, but when I do I start to find things about it that I don't agree with.

Return To Work Action Plan

I found out late on Friday that I have been accepted into Phase II of the OSEB (Ontario Self-Employment Benefits) program that is being offered by the TBDC (Toronto Business Development Centre). My Phase II appointment is on Wednesday. I'm supposed to bring a completed Return To Work Action Plan with me on that date. I need to go to an Employment Assessment Centre and have a counselor complete one for me.

Oops. I need to have this done for Wednesday, but the earliest appointment I could get at an Assessment Centre is for Thursday. I spent most of my morning calling the different centres in order to get this appointment.

I called the TBDC and let them know that the earliest I could bring my RTWAP is the day after my Phase II appointment and they said I could bring it then.

I'll have to carefully prepare my rationale for entering the OSEB program in order to get this RTWAP.

Christmas preparation

I tend to be slow in getting into the spirit for holiday preparations. However, one aspect of Christmas preparation that I enjoy and look forward to is rehearsing for Christmas Eve service. Last year the worship team learned a new song for the Christmas Eve service; we started rehearsing for it in November.

This year we are learning two new songs. We had a rehearsal tonight in which we went over these two songs. I have a copy of the two songs on CD and I've been learning them by listening to the CD. At tonight's rehearsal is the first one this year that I've been to where we had musicians and almost the full complement of singers to practice the songs.

I'm looking forward to the December 24 service.

Recalibrating time line

I am behind on my time line for my book in progress (see Steve Teller called me a bastard). When I planned my writing schedule in the summer, I had planned on making November be my big push month. November is the month in which NaNoWriMo takes place - National Novel Writing Month. NaNoWriMo is a creative writing project in which participants aim to write a 50,000 word novel in one month. I've never participated in a NaNoWriMo but I've thought about it. In fact, I thought I could use my current novel as an experiment to see how I'd fare in a NaNoWriMo.

Well, if this past November is any indication, I would not fare very well. My original plan was to complete my book plan by end of September, let it incubate in October, then blast out the text in November - my target was 60,000 words.

I actually completed my book plan in August, so I thought, why wait until November? The target of 60,000 words in a month sounded very ambitious and so I decided to start writing in September and plan to finish my first draft in November. I thought I would use September and October as warm ups and do my most writing in November.

Ha! November actually turned out to be my least productive writing month. Part of the reason was that I lost my job at the end of October and used a lot of my emotional energy in November setting up the transition into my new lifestyle, instead of writing.

My current word count is over 21,000 so I am just over one third towards my target. I've completed my first draft on Chapter 1, have written most of Chapter 2, and have started writing scenes for Chapters 3 and 4. I'm recalibrating my time line. My new target is to complete to end of Chapter 4 by the end of this month. The end of this year! At that point I will have completed half of my book, according to my book plan (I am planning to write eight chapters in total).

Recognizing stuck

Sometimes when I'm stuck for an idea to blog about I look back at what I blogged a year ago and see how my life has changed during that year. It's November 2008 - I look back a year and see that I wrote no entries in November or December 2007. I go back a little further and see that the last I wrote in 2007 was in October. I re-read those posts, particularly the Thanksgiving series (A Thanksgiving Weekend: Prologue, Part I, Part II, Part III, Epilogue) - and what I see there is the posts I wrote about the kids. That is one thing I miss, being Uncle. Like John-boy, from that seventies show The Waltons, I enjoy writing about my family life.

I am reminded of a part of my life where I have got stuck - my Big Brother application. I got a letter from them a while ago. It's what we use to call in my industry, a PFO letter. (The P stands for Please). After reviewing your application carefully and with certain factors to consider, we regret that we cannot continue your enrollment further. Certain factors?!? Care to tell me what they are? I called the coordinator I was dealing with at the BBBST to ask about that when I got the letter; I got voice mail only, I left a message and I never heard back from them.

To tell the truth, I have become really frustrated with the BBBST. There have been frequent occasions when I'd called them and did not get my calls returned. The coordinator who took my original application left the organization and they misplaced my file. Numerous attempts to offer the volunteer time of not only myself but of members of my Men's Division were met with lack of response or interest. Then after I get my PFO letter their president sends me a letter claiming that they have 350 children on their waiting list.

Dear President, although I believe in your mission, I have lost faith in your organization. I think you need to improve the way your organization communicates with the people who want to help BBBST and want to help those children. I think that when I have taken the time and effort to put in my application and provide you with all the supporting documentation and references you have requested, that I deserve to know why you have refused my application. I would like to know what those "certain factors" are; I'd like to know if the decision to not continue my application is a decision that could be reversed if those factors no longer existed. Don't you think that those 350 children on your waiting list deserve that too?

Won bid for laptop

I found a laptop. A Dell Latitude D620. Found one in Alberta on eBay. There were zero bids on it (I counted twice to be sure) and the starting bid was US$300. Why the price was quoted in US$ when the seller is in Alberta I don't know.

I picked the Dell Latitude D620 because it's a model I've used before. I'm familiar with it and I'm comfortable with it and I like it.

Despite there being zero bids initially, I did get into a bidding skirmish. It was a minor scrap and I came out the winner. Yeah for me. I'm expecting to receive it within the next two weeks. Once I get it, I'm back in action for my recording project.

Behold! The tax man cometh

Having signed off on the release form regarding how much severance payout I will receive and agreeing not to sue my former employer, my next hurdle was to protect my severance from the tax man. I learned that were I to elect to receive my severance as a lump sum payment, I would lose about 45% of it to withholding taxes. That's no good!

My best option to protect it would be to flow it into an RRSP. That way I would receive the full amount. Yes, I will still pay taxes on it when I take it out of my RRSP but if I can avoid doing that until at 2009 then at least I will have greater control over the timing, and more options available for planning a tax strategy.

I considered holding back enough out of my RRSP to cover the next 2-3 months of expenses. However, any amount that I don't flow into my RRSP is subject to taxation. On the other hand, one of the credit card companies offered me a great promotional rate plus a lowered transaction fee on a balance transfer. It turns out that it's cheaper for me to pay the balance transfer fee plus the interest rate than it is for me to pay the tax man.

So my course of action then is to put my entire severance into an RRSP and take out a balance transfer to cover a few months of expenses. This way I have a safety net for the next three months and I don't have to feel so rushed to get a replacement source of income.

Cover concept for Let It Rain

This image depicts my concept for the CD compilation I am producing with my church worship team.



The recording project went into a bit of a stall in the summer; gas prices got so high and the musicians were reluctant to travel to the studio, which for some members of the team is quite a drive.

The solution - when musicians won't come to the studio it is time to bring the studio to the musicians. How? A Profire 2626 audio interface, a Firewire interface, a laptop, and some digital audio software should do the trick. In theory.

I've got the Profire interface, I rented one from Long & McQuade. I've got the Firewire interface - I bought one at Best Buy. What I don't have is the laptop. I'm looking for one on craigslist. Once I get one, I'm back in action again.

Runaway Jury

Tonight was a stay at home night with Jan and Fede. Since we each have independent and busy schedules throughout the week it is nice when we occasionally all hang around together. Tonight we had pizza and watched a video, Runaway Jury, with Dustin Hoffman and Gene Hackman.

After the movie finished we watched some of the DVD extras, some of the making-of documentaries. I was interested to learn that even well established actors such as Dustin Hoffman and Gene Hackman messed up their lines and were intimated by each other.

Watching the making-of documentaries stirred up memories of my community theatres days. Jan has also had theatre experience and we both had an animated discussion, sharing our memories of those times.

Maybe one of my goals for 2009 will be getting back into theatre and getting involved in another production. It must be about ten years since I've been in a play.

More transitions

This year has been a year of transitions. It started at the beginning of the year when I split up with J and moved out. Settling in to a new living environment and getting used to being single again after living with someone for four years, have been some of the challenges I have faced this year. Getting myself organized to write and complete a book, and starting a recording project with my church worship team have been some of the creative projects I have taken on this year.

The year's challenges are not complete yet. This week my employment agreement with my employer of twelve years was terminated. This feels strange because I have not been without a job since I was in school - some twenty years ago.

Today I am not the same person I was when I started my career in IT twenty years ago. I have learned much and have grown much. What will my next twenty years look like? My journey as a Creative Playful Explorer continues.

Dating and due diligence

After years and years of being in and out of relationships I've finally figured out the concept of doing my due diligence when it comes to dating. The concept sounds really simple now, but I have been sloppy about it in the past.

I have learned that there are two things I want to find out about a potential partner before I get involved: is the playing field clear, and is there mutual interest. As I said, it's simple and obvious when I state it that way, but time and time again I have ignored these two principles and paid the price.

Vetting out if the playing field is clear - I have learned that there are certain subtleties to watch out for. Just because a woman is single does not mean she is available! Doh! How much time and energy have I spent pursuing a woman who, though single, was not available? There are other factors besides the existence of a husband or other male attachment that signal availability. Unresolved emotional issues, unhealthy habits and attitudes, are other indicators of non-availability to me. Of course, a woman might be available by someone else's standards and not by mine - I have learned that in the end I must judge only by my own standards whether she is available.

Mutual interest - I have spent far too much time and energy pursuing women who were not interested in me, thinking that if I said this or did that I will impress them and gain their interest. Forget that game! I have paid the price of playing that game with decreased self-confidence and self-esteem. Ain't worth it, not playing it no more. I am who I am and I'm an interesting person, and I'm better off using my time and energy surrounding myself with people who are genuinely interested in me and want to help me win than in trying to get someone interested in me who is not.

One other thing I've learned about dating. I've learned that when a woman I am interested in says she wants to be friends, it usually means that a woman that I want to sleep with does not want to sleep with me but wants me around to talk to about the guys she is sleeping with. That sucks and that's definitely a game not worth playing.

Designed book cover

Last night I was sitting in front of my computer and playing around with GIMP (the open source equivalent of Photoshop) and I felt inspired so I created a mock up of what I envision my book cover to be for my current novel-in-progress, That Warrior Spirit.

I really like the design I came up with and I am pleased with myself. I'd love to post it here and show it off but I am faced with an ethical, maybe legal, dilemma. One of the images I used in my composition is a photo I took of one of the men in MDI, with my cell phone. Do I need his permission to use a photo I took of him myself on my book cover? Do I need to get him to sign a model release?

I've looked up model release on wikipedia. It says that Publishing an identifiable photo of a person without a model release signed by that person can result in civil liability for whoever publishes the photograph. One of the key words here seems to be identifiable. If I manipulate the image so that the subject is not recognizable, would I still be at risk of civil liability if I did not have a signed model release?

First mix of Thank You

I have four songs in the process of being recorded now. Make that five, if I count the Holy Spirit Rain Down/Let It Rain medley as two separate songs. At tonight's session I went back to the first song of the bunch, Thank You. The last time I worked on this song was when we added the vocals and guitar solo (see Recording vocals).

There are still some guitar parts I've thought of adding, but I've got a lot of tracks down already so I decided to do a "premix" using what was already there. I've come back to this song after letting it rest since July and I have to say that I really like how it sounds. I am proud of the work that the musicians have put into it. A few times I've heard them tell me Remember we're not professionals, and I just have to ask them to stop saying that. They are all experienced, skilled and talented people.

We made three different versions of the mix tonight. The differences between the three are minor though, and lie in how we handled the lead guitar on the ending. In the first version we kept it the way David originally performed it. In the second version we edited his performance so it sounds like he sustained the final note rather than repeatedly picking it. In the third version we edited his original performance so that it sounded like he repeatedly picked the final note longer than he actually did.

I considered making a couple of alternate mixes, one with more emphasis on the piano performance and one with more emphasis on the rhythm guitar - there are so many different things that I can do with this song that if I try out all my ideas I will never finish this project.

Started Let It Rain medley

I had a recording session tonight. I wasn't sure what I was going to record because some of the musicians I wanted to work with where not available (see Opening the floodgates).

A few weeks ago I had a session and started a new project - the remake of Magician's Plea that I'd been thinking of starting for some time now.

So it all came down to Steve O. If he was available tonight and confident enough to track on Let It Rain then I would focus on that, otherwise I would continue building Magician's Plea.

It turned out that Steve O was available and willing to come to the studio. I had envisioned him playing acoustic guitar but he said he was rusty on the acoustic and preferred to play bass tonight.

So it all came together. Three of us at the studio - the two Steves and myself.

I brought a lo-fi recording of the arrangement we played yesterday at church, a medley of Holy Spirit Rain Down and Let It Rain. We used that to chart the arrangement, which we tweaked a tiny little bit.

Steve O played bass and Steve S contributed acoustic guitar. So I now have four songs in progress, four songs being recorded. I've got a lot of balls up in the air now, which is fine with me. It suits my INTJ personality. Plus I have lots of options and flexibility for moving forward even when musicians are not available for a session.

Steve Teller called me a bastard

I think it's cool that Steve Teller called me a bastard.

Who is Steve Teller? you might be wondering.

He is one of the characters in the book I am working on. (See Feet back on home ground). I am developing a scene in which four characters are doing an exercise called This is what I want you to know about me. This is an exercise in which the participants open up and reveal themselves to each other.

In order to write this scene, I have to know what each character is going to reveal about himself - since they're all fictitious characters I have to invent or discover who they are.

A tool I use to do this is the Interview. I ask the character questions and I write down their responses. And sometimes their responses are surprising and colorful.

During his interview, Steve Teller answered one of my questions using a euphemism. So I paraphrased him using direct, blunt language. To which he replied, "You bastard". I must have struck a chord!

Why I think it's cool that he called me a bastard, is that his character is coming to life. He's starting to interact with me, the writer. I like the exchange so much that I'm going to keep that dialog in the story.

You'll have to read the book to find out what I said to him that prompted him to call me a bastard.

...and the show's about to begin!

I've been trying to set up a recording session to start Let It Rain but have not yet coordinated everyone's schedule. I had a window available at the studio for tomorrow night but key members of the team were not available then.

So I decided to book the session anyway and start that project that I meant to start in 2007 but hadn't got around to it yet - a remake of Magician's Plea. (See Come, let me show you my tricks)

My original version of Magician's Plea is some eight minutes long and has some long instrumental passages. My thoughts for the remake are to shorten some of the long instrumentals to the more standard 8 bar instrumental. However, I think some of those instrumental passages that I wrote are interesting so I'm not throwing them away completely. Instead I'll spawn them off into a few side projects - stand alone instrumental-only songs, along the lines of the instrumental version I made of The Great Escape in 2006. (See Should I change the name?) So the result I am envisioning is a collection that I think of as Magician's Suite, featuring a redux of the original song plus a couple of new instrumentals.

Opening the floodgates

After taking a bit of a summer break from my recording project (see Recording vocals), I am starting to move the ball forward again.

I met with Steve O tonight in an offline rehearsal to work out an arrangement for Let It Rain. This song is both simple and complex. It is simple in that it uses only about four chords, has a simple melody, and has only four lines of lyrics and three of those four are the same line repeated. It is complex in that it has potential for rich harmonies and textures and dynamics.

Because the song is so repetitive I wasn't sure how to structure the arrangement. How many times to repeat the verse? Where should it build and where should it come down? How many times should the verse repeat before the instrumental break, and for how many cycles should the instrumental repeat?

Steve O found a chord chart on the CCLI website. I learned that the chord progression is not as repetitive as I thought - there are some minor variations from verse to verse.

So now I'm clear how I want to approach this in the studio. To put down bed tracks, I'd like to invite Steve O to play acoustic guitar, David (who played guitar on Thank You and How Can I Keep From Singing...) to play bass, and Cindy to play keyboard, and I will do guide vocals. Once the bed tracks are done, I will have a second session to add layers and textures and to build the dynamics.

In the meantime I ponder... could all the thunderstorms we've been having this summer have anything to do with all the times that I've been singing this song? Let it rain, let it rain, open the floodgates of heaven, let it rain.